so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I got inside last night via doggy door
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
