So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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