Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
