you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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