; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
