You're a womanizer and a bitch.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
