I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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