there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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