The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
