Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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