Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
