Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
