I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
