from now on my penis is your penis
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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