oh god the rape fog is back!
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Barsexuality is the new black.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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