dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
