decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
