haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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