We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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