i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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