sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
