He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
