So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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