I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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