The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
