There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
