I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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