Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
