your parents love me but you hate me
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
