Acid is not a monday night drug
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
