i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
