do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Well I just put wine in my tea
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
