I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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