I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
