Small penises have feelings too.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
