some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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