I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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