i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Randomize
