well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Randomize
