Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
