dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
