It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
