HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Having a random hookup so left but love u
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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