I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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