Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
