At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
