I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
