well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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