her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
So much rum. So many feels.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
