A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
