Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My breasts were aching with rage.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
