So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
